It’s ok to not be ok!

I was born in the summer of 1987, to my white single mother.

I was the first mixed race “person of colour” in our white family. My Nigerian father refused to acknowledge my existence and so my mum did her best on her own.

Despite the austerity and financial difficulties, scraping by on the benefits system and living in one of London’s poorest housing estates. I have many happy fond memories of dancing around with my siblings to Billy Ocean and Michael Jackson, building forts and playing Super Nintendo until our thumbs hurt.

It wasn’t until I became an adult that I looked back and realised that we lived in poverty. The lights going out, no central heating in even the coldest of winters and empty food cupboards were the norm in our home. But as my mum always says, my upbringing has made me the strong and resilient person I am today.

To the outside world I may come across happy and confident, without a care in the world. The selfies, family photos and occasional memes are the usual social media etiquette right? And mostly I conform. But when I look back over the years, I realise that hiding my problems and burying my head in the sand for so long maybe wasn’t always the best decision.

On the rare occasion when I have tried to be open and honest about the struggles I face - I’ve been knocked back and accused of “sharing too much”, received criticism instead of being asked if I’m ok, whether I need any support, or showing any concern about the information I had just over shared. The priority was how I was perceived and not how or if I am coping. And this is a big issue, a common one. Encouraging people to talk, mental health campaigns, special needs awareness and posts about “being kind” are just empty passing trends. But for someone who lives it every day. I can tell you the stigma still remains.

But despite the not very supportive responses, I’ve had a lot more people reach out to thank me for being so open and honest. With many finding comfort knowing that they aren’t alone. They can relate because they are silently fighting similar battles.

I’ve found that acknowledging and facing your problems head on is so much better than hiding from or ignoring them. Some problems you just can’t hide from. Especially problems that live in your head.

I want to share my story. My experiences with mental health and my journey to becoming a special needs mum.

I want to allow myself to be vulnerable in the hopes that someone reading this will realise that it’s ok to not be ok.

Now before I continue. I want to emphasise that generally I am a bubbly positive person and despite everything I’m about to share, we have a happy home filled laughter and joy. But that’s a side I’ve always openly shared. This is a different narrative about what you don’t see.

This is in aid of raising awareness and acceptance for Mental health, Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), and Modern poverty.